Cassidy Boon needs to stick with creative writing I think…

The face of feminism? I think not.
The face of feminism? I think not.

I received an email just now, from change.org, calling for a ban on some chick named Cassidy Boons Facebook page. To be honest, I had never heard of her before, so I decided to check out her blog. And after reading it, I literally CANNOT stop laughing.

This egg!

Like, I serial, legit just cannot stop laughing. I was literally laughing so much I think I gave myself abs for days. This girl seriously has a few screws missing in her head. Either that, or she is getting her kicks out of causing a ruckus. I’m leaning more towards a delusional disorder, though.  There’s no other way to explain it.  She has either never been diagnosed, never been aware of it, or she is aware of it and is fully embracing it.  In all its dysfunctional glory.

To Boon or not to Boon?  That is the question. Shall we get rid of her, or nah?  Either way, whether she comes or goes, I don’t really give two fucks.  I personally find her a riot.  On the other hand, I do understand, though, why people are getting all up and arms about her, and her misguided shit.

It is obvious that she has no idea what she is on about. The other thing that is ALSO blatantly obvious is that she is an extremely talented, creative writer with an extraordinary imagination.

Other than that, the chick is, to put bluntly, full of shit.

Take the fact that she is now suing a man for rape, after he saved her from drowning.  To be honest, reading this reminded me of a Mills and Boons novel with a warped twist.  Check it out.

‘I was disgusted at this hairy man having felt it appropriate to touch my body like that. To grab me forcefully and pull me in what ever direction HE wanted to go. He took control of my body down there in the cold water, when I was unconscious and unable to look out for myself, he touched my all-but-bikini bare body when I was KNOCKED out and unable to struggle. Him, being a white man, felt he had the right to possess my milky body – to put his rough hands on my innocent flesh and command my body to come with him to the surface. I did NOT give him consent, in fact I was UNABLE to give consent and yet he grabbed me around my waist and gripped my hand and pressed my body against his like we he wanted to engage in aquatic sex.

I am now charging or suing or whatever this man for rape – because what he did is literally the definition of rape – he exerted his Patriarchal power over me and did stuff to my body without my consent. Sure, he saved me from drowning, but if we start excusing rape just because our rapists did a nice thing to us, we’re really just excusing rape culture.’  

See what I mean? Strong imagination indeed. A flair for creative writing, yeah. Somebody to be taken seriously…no. I have never in my life read so much stupid in one post. If I were him, I would have burst out laughing until tears ran down my cheeks, but tears of disbelief, not fear. Then I would have been all ‘see you in court then’ and smiled at her serenely, like the ‘disgusting rapist’ that I am.

Boon egg

One of her other posts that have been doing the rounds is her call to ban the haka for being ‘sexist.’ Not only did she suggest that the haka hinted at domestic and rape overtures, but she also, very wrongly, stated the All Blacks to be a FOOTBALL team. Hahahahahaha.

Read the full absurdity below:

There’s so much about New Zealand to cover that I got really angry just reading everything, so I decided to focus on one especially horrific thing they get up to in New Zealand – it’s called “the Haka” and it’s one of the most sexist things I’ve ever seen.

Okay so let me explain the Haka. You know that football team, the All Blacks? Well, before every game, they do this really weird, intimidating dance in front of the opposite team to try and scare them or whatever. These people will literally stick their tongues out and make exaggerated, masculine movements that hint at domestic violence and rape. It’s obvious that the Haka isn’t REALLY meant to scare the opposing team, it’s meant to assert dominance over WOMEN and scare us into submission. The All Blacks are obviously doing this misogynistic dance in order to make women and transfolk around the world feel unsafe. I can’t believe New Zealand will allow their football team to do this extremely scary and intimidating dance that literally makes me as a woman and a feminist, very, very scared.

So yeah, out of everything I’ve read about New Zealand, the Haka is, like, the worst thing that you guys have given the world, and as a feminist and a social justice activist, I must use my power to stop it. I am now starting a hashtag campaign called #BanTheHaka that I hope will end this sexist dance forever. Tweet under the hashtag to get behind this movement and help me put an end to the Haka terror! I am not letting you #HakaHobbits win. I hope that teaches you not to mess with the Boon again, you’ve been EXPOSED!

Mc caw

Am I the only one that laughed uproariously at the stupidity of this post?  The All Blacks a football team?   The haka meant to scare women into submission?  And shes gonna use her ‘powers’ to stop it.

All I can say to that is PUKANA!!! BLAH!

Other gems the ‘boob’…oh shit, sorry the BOON has come up with include the following:

  • eating vegemite makes you racist towards aboriginals because it is black.
  • english people need to stop drinking tea because its racist towards Indians
  • why minecraft is sexist and needs to be banned
  • why its ok for girls to cheat on guys

For utmost originality, I commend you, girl. Doesn’t really surprise me anymore, the things people will say and do to garner fame, even if it is gonna come back and bite you in the butt one day. I predict Cassidy Boon is about to become one of the most, ummmm, ‘beloved feminists’ on the block (if she isn’t already) so I sincerely hope she can afford herself a bodyguard because she is most likely gonna need one to protect her from all the tomatoes and eggs that are about to come flinging her way. To be honest, she kind of reminds me of Natalia Kills, that willy wonka looking chick on XFACTOR. First, she had her five minutes of notorious fame. Now shes a forgotten has-been.

Sad, really, because, as I mentioned above, the Boon is a superb writer. I follow Cassidy Boon because I like laughing at her, and the idiotic shit she comes up with. Don’t get mad people. Living with a delusional disorder is not easy. Next time she pops up, just humour her.  Nod like your nodding at a ward eight patient. Let her know that the world is not against her. And maybe remind her to take her meds, while you’re at it.

WANNA LAUGH AT HER? Check out her blog HERE

WANNA GET RID OF HER? Jump to the petitions against her on change.org HERE

WANNA POKE HER ON FACEBOOK, OR JUST GIVE HER SHIT?  Here’s her page.

Straight up girl, you should just stick with creative writing.  You’d be really, really good at that.